Veiled glory

For the last few months I've begun to feel like there is a conspiracy at large. I'm part of it, but don't know what it is.

Every now and then I get a smile and a nod of what seems to be acceptance from someone I don't know. I could be in the supermarket, walking down the road or on a train. The person could be male or female. They look at me, look at the air above my head, look into my eyes, smile, nod and walk on.

At the beginning I just thought people were being friendly or perhaps it was someone I knew but had forgotten. So I automatically smiled back and nodded too. Then I realised that some people were looking at me from some distance away, literally across a crowded room. How did they spot me from such a distance in a crowd of people? What on earth was it about me that they spotted? Over the months curiosity has turned to paranoia. I still returned the smile but with a slight grinding of my teeth.

Then finally, a few days ago, the question was answered.

Martin and I had gone to Buddies one evening for a beer and a burger. While we were standing at the bar waiting to be seated, we ordered a couple of bottles of bud and stood together chatting. A women standing beside us looked at me, looked at the air above my head, looked at the beer in my hands, looked back in my eyes and pointedly said: "How long have you been a member of the Plymouth Brethen?"

The penny dropped.

I wear a headscarf. I wear it when I'm having a bad hair day and occasionally when I'm not because I happen to think it makes me look pretty. Sometimes I wear it to keep my hair clean when decorating or just to keep my hair off my face in hot weather. I wear it for a variety of reasons.

None of the reasons are religious.

I now realise that the nod of acceptance comes from those who assume I cover my head and long hair out of modesty and as required by certain faiths. Like Judaism, the Brethren and the Amish, although with Judaism only married women are required to cover the head. The headscarf stands out across a crowded room because so few women wear them.

Thinking back, I have been smiled at by other women in headscarves and simple assumed at the time it was a gesture of...I don't know...familiarity at being another person sporting a fashionable headscarf. For example, I was in IKEA a few weeks ago and had lost sight of the friend I was with. As I scanned the room looking for her long blonde hair, I scanned past a women who was smiling at me. I did a double take and looked back to see who she was, again thinking she must have known me. She was wearing a headscarf and was with a man. She whispered something to him. He then turned round and looked at me. Both smiled, nodded and walked away. I noted at the time she was wearing a floor-length black coat, done up to the neck and some seriously ungainly and quite clumpy black footwear. I can't possibly be certain, but knowing what I do now, it's possible she was a member of religious faith and spotted 'a fellow believer' by her headgear.

I've had some people in the past tell me I'm brave for wearing head gear like scarves and hats in the street as it makes me stand out, but I've never really paid much mind to it. I am who I am and can't bear being false simply to fit in - which means I have learnt to ignore stupid comments from those who perceive me as a threat for, say, wearing a patchwork skirt and not the latest skinny Gap jeans with specially designed arse to show off a thong. But I never considered how important something like this could be to people who are in a minority faith, how important it must be to have a visible symbol they can latch onto to help them identify others like them.

So now I'm trying to decide whether I will wear my headscarf out in public again. It sounds silly, but I don't want to foster hope in others that I'm part of their faith. Imagine if you were the only member of a religious order in a particular area and had no-one else who understood your beliefs. Now imagine catching sight of someone who displays all the outward signs of being like you and being excited because maybe you've found a friend, someone you could relate to and who could completely understand you. It would be so disappointing to find out that person wasn't who you thought they were. Ok, that's taking it a bit far with headscarves perhaps, but can you see what I'm talking about?

Comments

[donna]

wow steel, i can see what you've been up to this afternoon, i'm honoured you read so much of my blog!

really interesting post by the way, i hope the reactions wion't stop you dressing how you want to. :)